Adult Children of Alcoholics

By Arianna Escobar, LPCC

Arianna received her M.S. in multicultural community counseling and social justice education from SDSU (CBB program. She has worked with diverse populations including adults, adolescents, and system-involved youth and families. Arianna is passionate about strengthening clients’ relationships with themselves and increasing their sense of self-compassion and authenticity in order to live a more fulfilling life. 

Substance abuse can be difficult for the entire family. Let's talk about some of the issues adults may face after growing up with a parent who suffers from alcoholism.

Common childhood experiences

Throughout childhood, it is common for children to experience trauma due to alcohol abuse in the home. Some children may observe or experience abuse, violence, neglect, and/or abandonment.

There may be chaos in the home and children can be put into a position where they take over the parent roles. Their family members may be struggling with mental illness that goes undiagnosed or untreated.

It is important for children to process these experiences and have a safe space to understand they are not alone. If a child has this space, that child is more likely to know how to cope in the future and hopefully get the support and resources needed. Without this space the child can feel alone, and trauma symptoms become more severe.

This trauma can lead to issues that persist into adulthood.

How it impacts adults

Adult children of Alcoholics (ACOA) can develop many trauma responses to keep themselves safe in childhood, and often they subconsciously hold onto these trauma responses into adulthood even though they are no longer needed.

Common symptoms include:
  • Hypervigilance, avoidance, emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, irresponsibility, lack of remorse, anger, deception
  • Being frightened by angry people
  • Difficulty forming secure attachments
  • Trying to be what they think people want them to be and feeling guilt when expressing their needs (fearing criticism, abandonment and rejection, feelings of inadequacy)
  • Lack of intimacy (difficulty getting close to people)
  • Needing to be the center of attention, critical of others
  • High reward sensitivity, any reward or praise is highly valued
ACOAs are also at a higher risk of suffering from alcoholism or marrying an alcoholic. They may have a desire to help their partner, and this can create a false sense of security as the belief is “you need me” and therefore they feel like they will not be abandoned.

How to heal

It is important to process the experiences from childhood. It can be easy to continue to hold secrets, feel shame for sharing, and/ or blame oneself for the experience. These things can make it difficult to reach out for support. Working through these issues with a mental health therapist can be beneficial.

Some things to focus on are:
  • Healing the inner child
  • Creating a safe space
  • Increasing emotional and behavioral awareness
  • Building coping skills to help regulate emotions
  • Building a support system
  • Seeking professional support

Resources

Healing is possible and can come at any stage in life. Building a solid support system is a wonderful way to heal in community and challenge the thoughts of being alone. There are support groups like Al-anon and specific groups for (Adult children of alcoholics).

Sources 

 

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