Understanding Interpersonal Violence: A Call to Action for National Coming Out Day and LGBTQPIA2S+ History Month

By Van Ethan Levy, LMFT 118131, LPCC 8269 

Van is a queer, non-binary, trans, AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth), POC (Person of Color), dually licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Van is passionate about holding space for all intersections of one’s identity(ies). Van is dedicated to social justice & believes it is vital to cultivate an awareness of our own internal strengths, specifically our resilience as we continue to grow and discover ourselves. Van also provides trainings on trans and non-binary identities and is author of the interactive book Exploring My Identity(ies) (2020).

As we approach National Coming Out Day on October 11th and celebrate LGBTQPIA2S+ History Month, it’s crucial to shed light on a pervasive issue that often goes unnoticed: Interpersonal Violence (IPV). Many individuals may not recognize the signs of healthy versus unhealthy dynamics in relationships. IPV can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and psychological abuse, with gaslighting being one of the most insidious.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one partner tries to convince the other that their perceptions or experiences are invalid. It creates a distorted sense of reality, leaving the victim questioning their own reality, thoughts and feelings. The truth is, reality is subjective—shaped by our unique experiences and perspectives. Thus, no one has the right to dictate another's reality. Understanding this can empower those affected by IPV to reclaim their narratives and recognize the validity of their feelings.

The Importance of Autonomy

Our bodies and minds are our own. The phrase "my body, my choice" should extend beyond physical autonomy to encompass our mental and emotional well-being. When someone takes away your choices—whether it's about your body, your relationships, or your beliefs—it creates an unhealthy and potentially toxic dynamic. Unfortunately, LGBTQPIA2S+ individuals face higher rates of IPV due to societal stigma and discrimination that demonize diverse identities, such as trans, non binary, queer, agender, asexual and many more identities. This marginalization complicates self-love and acceptance, often leading to distorted perceptions of love and relationships.

The Harsh Reality of IPV in LGBTQPIA2S+ Communities

Statistics reveal a startling truth: approximately 1 in 2 trans individuals will experience abuse from a partner when coming out. This staggering figure underscores the urgent need for support systems that recognize the unique challenges faced by LGBTQPIA2S+ individuals. The stigma attached to these identities can make it difficult for individuals to discern healthy relationships from toxic ones, particularly if they have only known love in the form of abuse.

Supporting Those in Need

One of the most harmful responses to someone in an abusive relationship is to tell them to simply leave. Instead, it is vital to offer compassionate support. Listen without judgment and respect their choices. Discuss concerns openly, but always trusting the person to make their own decisions.

Creating wellness or safety plans can be incredibly beneficial. This may involve setting aside essential items with a trusted friend—such as identification, money, or important documents. Your support could make a world of difference in someone’s life, especially during a time when they may feel particularly vulnerable.

What You Can Do

On National Coming Out Day, take the opportunity to be an ally. Support someone in your life by offering a listening ear, a safe space, or resources for professional help. Organizations like MiraCosta Health Services provide free mental health therapy sessions for students, which can be a vital resource for those seeking guidance. Email: mccshs@miracosta.edu, Website: www.miracosta.edu/healthservices

Additionally, we invite you to join us at our weekly Thursday QT (Queer Time) group from 3:00 to 3:50 PM. Please email vLevy@MiraCosta.edu for the Zoom link. This space is specifically designed for LGBTQPIA2S+ individuals to engage, interact, connect, collaborate, and support one another in a way that feels affirming. It’s an opportunity to build community and share experiences in a safe environment.  

Remember, every individual is unique. Just because a particular strategy worked for you in your own experience with IPV does not mean it will resonate with someone else. Listening to, trusting and respecting each person’s journey is key to providing meaningful support.

In Conclusion

As we celebrate LGBTQPIA2S+ History Month and National Coming Out Day, let us remain vigilant in our fight against interpersonal violence. By fostering an understanding of healthy relationships and providing unwavering support, we can create safer environments for everyone, particularly those in the LGBTQPIA2S+ community. Together, we can build a future where love is defined not by fear or control, but by respect, trust, and acceptance.