How to Help Someone Experiencing Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence

 

By Purvi Bhakta, Pre-licensed Mental Health Counselor

Domestic violence is when someone repeatedly physically and emotionally abuses another, in order to gain/maintain control over them. Domestic Violence (DV) can occur between a parent and child, siblings, or even roommates, while Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) occurs between romantic partners. Regardless of which your loved one is experiencing, the control will typically show up first as emotional abuse and then later as physical violence. Seeing a loved one go through this can be dysregulating and upsetting. However if you suspect someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, know that you have the ability to help them.

Early Warning Signs That a Loved One May Be Experiencing Domestic Violence

  • Frequent physical markings such as black eyes, bruises, cuts, and discoloration on the neck
  • Constantly having to be in contact with their partner and asking permission to go places
  • Not having their own mode of transportation
  • May refer to their partner as “moody”, “jealous”, or having a “bad temper”
  • Becoming extremely apologetic, meek, and timid
  • Presents with low self esteem
  • Seems constantly anxious and on edge
  • May begin to isolate themselves from friends and family
  • Loses enjoyment in activities they usually enjoy
  • Increases in their “clumsiness” as an excuse for the physical markings  

How to Help

  • If you suspect a loved one is experiencing domestic violence in their relationship, before asking them, ensure that the warning signs are there.
  • Once you have ensured the warning signs are there, approach your loved one and let them know that you are there to support, listen, and help them however they would like you to
  • Create a safety plan with your loved one
  • Provide them with local and national resources
    • LOCAL (North County)
      • Center for Community Solutions
        • 760-747-6282 or 888-385-4657
      • Women’s Resource Center
        • 760-757-3500
      • Community Resource Center
        • 877-633-1112
  • Understand that they may not be ready to leave their DV relationship immediately, however let them know that you will be there when they are ready.
  • Encourage them to make a counseling appointment at MiraCosta College Health Services to discuss options.

 

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