Personal rules for drinking (and why they actually work better than willpower)

By Abigail (Abby) Burd, LCSW, LCS 26867
Full-Time Faculty / Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Abby is a bilingual (English/Spanish) clinical social worker with over 25 years experience in mental health. Abby is trained as a trainer in creating LGBTQIA+ safe zones, suicide prevention, and mindfulness. Abby has been a clinical supervisor on campuses and through her private practice since 2008, guiding the next generation of pre-licensed social workers, marriage and family therapists and clinical counselors. She is a culturally-humble, integrative clinician, drawing upon Interpersonal Psychotherapy, Motivational Interviewing, Solutions-Focused Therapy, mindfulness, and trauma-informed approaches. Abby is certified in Brainspotting (a somatic therapy for trauma and more) and Perinatal Mental Health.

Let’s talk about something simple that gets overlooked when we talk about alcohol: personal rules.

Not rules in the punitive sense. Not rules that are about judgment or “good” and “bad” behavior. More like small agreements you make with yourself ahead of time, when your brain is clear, so you are not trying to figure everything out in the middle of a social situation.

Because let’s be honest. In the moment, things are not always as linear as we think they will be.

That is where personal rules come in.

So what are personal rules?

They are basically your own “I already decided this” list.

Things like:

●     I do not drive after drinking

●     I always have a way to get home before I start drinking

●     I do not drink alone

●     I decide my limit ahead of time and I stick to it

●     I do not accept drinks I did not see poured or opened

●     I check in with myself before I leave and when I get home

●     I don’t have more than x number of drinks

●     or I won’t do shots

Please note that these are just examples and may not be necessary for you. That’s the whole point, you get to pick which ones you want!

Nothing fancy. Nothing extreme. Just clarity you set for yourself in advance.

And importantly, they are not universal. They are not “what everyone should do.” They are what you decide works for you.

Why this actually helps more than “just be careful”

Here is the thing I see over and over in real life: People do not usually get into trouble because they planned to make a bad decision. (Ok, sometimes… )

It is more often that they were in a situation, there was an option, and suddenly they were negotiating with themselves in real time.

Personal rules help because they move that decision-making earlier.

So instead of “Should I drive?” while you are already out, it becomes “I already decided I do not drive after drinking.”

That one shift can take a lot of pressure off the moment.

A few examples that tend to actually hold up in real life

Not theoretical rules. Real ones people can actually follow.

Getting home

●     I do not drive after drinking, no exceptions, not even one drink

●     I figure out my ride before I start drinking, not after

●     I always keep a backup option in mind

Pacing and limits

●     I decide my limit before I go out

●     I alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks

●     I slow down or stop if I start losing track

Social boundaries

●     I do not drink more just because other people are

●     I can leave whenever I want without having to explain it

●     I do not stay in situations where I feel pressured

General awareness

●     I keep track of my own drink

●     I do not accept open drinks from people I do not know well

●     I check in with myself periodically instead of just going on autopilot

None of this is about being rigid. It is about not having to rely on willpower in moments where willpower is not always the strongest tool.

This is really about agency, not restriction

People sometimes hear “rules” and think it means restriction or control.

But I actually think it is the opposite.

Personal rules are one of the most self-directed things you can do. You are deciding in advance what feels aligned for you. You are not waiting to see what a social situation demands and then reacting.

You are setting your own baseline.

And you are allowed to change it anytime. This is not permanent. It is just intentional.

A note on context, safety, and lived experience

Not everyone is moving through social environments with the same level of ease or safety.

For some students, particularly students of color, queer/trans, and students from immigrant families, there can be additional layers of stress, awareness, or vulnerability in public or unfamiliar environments. That can include heightened concern about interactions with authority, documentation status, or simply feeling more visible in certain settings.

So personal rules can also include things like:

●     I go out with people I trust

●     I stay in environments where I feel grounded and safe

●     I make sure I have reliable transportation planned ahead of time

●     I know who I can call if I need to leave quickly

This is not about adding fear. It is about acknowledging that context is real, and planning can reduce stress in situations that already take energy to navigate.

The bigger takeaway

Personal rules are not about controlling every outcome.

They are about reducing the number of decisions you have to make in the most unpredictable moments.

They are small, quiet agreements with yourself that tend to matter more than people realize.

Want to have a non judgmental place to figure out YOUR own personal rules? Schedule an appointment with one of our counselors today by calling us at 760-795-6675, filling out our contact form at www.miraCosta.edu/healthServices, or stopping by room 14114 at the Oceanside campus or 917 at the San Elijo campus.