It’s Not Just Physical: Let’s Talk About Emotional Abuse

 

By Dorian Owens
Dorian Owens is a graduate student at San Diego State University, pursuing a Master’s in Counseling through the Community-Based Block (CBB) Program, focusing on multicultural counseling and social justice. Dorian's approach to mental health care is rooted in humanistic, trauma-informed, and client-centered practices, emphasizing support for marginalized communities, particularly BIPOC populations.

When people hear the term Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), they often picture physical harm. But for many college students, IPV can show up in quieter, less visible ways especially through emotional abuse. And because it doesn’t leave bruises, it’s often overlooked or misunderstood.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to control, manipulate, or undermine a partner’s sense of self. It can include constant criticism, gaslighting (making someone question their reality), jealousy, controlling who you see or talk to, or making you feel guilty for setting boundaries. On a college campus like MiraCosta, this might look like:
  • A partner demanding access to your phone or social media
  • Being told you’re “too sensitive” when something hurts you
  • Feeling pressured to skip classes or friends to avoid conflict
  • Constantly apologizing just to keep the peace

Why It Matters for College Students

College is often a time of first serious relationships, independence, and identity development. That also means students may not always recognize unhealthy patterns right away. Emotional abuse can slowly chip away at confidence, increase anxiety or depression, and impact academic performance. Because it’s normalized in some social circles (“they’re just protective”

or “that’s how relationships are”), students might stay in harmful situations longer than they should.

Red Flags to Watch For

  • You feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around your partner
  • They isolate you from friends, family, or activities
  • They dismiss your feelings or make everything your fault
  • Your self-esteem has noticeably decreased since the relationship began Healthy relationships should feel supportive, not draining or controlling.

What You Can Do

If something doesn’t feel right, trust that instinct. You deserve to feel safe and respected.
  • Talk to someone you trust (friend, counselor, professor)
  • Reach out to campus counseling services
  • Learn about healthy relationship boundaries
  • If you’re in immediate danger, seek help right away

Campus & Community Resources

MiraCosta College offers counseling services that are confidential and free for students. You can also contact:
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788) 
  • MiraCosta College Student Health Services at the Oceanside campus is (760) 795-6675.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Placebos Work

Image
  By Kim Marquardt, RN MSN This blog post is from the Nurse Kim archives of myth busting. I want to share some "alternative" or maybe just lesser known health and wellness viewpoints for you to chew on. *These posts are not intended as official medical advice. They ARE meant to be fun, informative, and thought provoking, hopefully sparking an interest for you to do your own research (you can start with the links I provide!) and discover the marvels of the human body, and how it can function at its optimal performance level if we understand how it works and interacts with our environment and our diet. I have a passion for health and wellness through lifestyle and nutrition and have done thousands of hours of research in addition to being a registered nurse for 23 years. I have done A LOT of self-experimentation in and around diet, lifestyle, body care, and supplementation and have spent a lot of time looking into the science behind it all (or lack thereof!). Check back weekly ...
Read more

YOUR RECOVERY JOURNEY FOR THE SEMESTER AHEAD

Image
  By Tammah Watts, LMFT Tammah is a licensed therapist trained in Mindfulness-Based Meditation, who provides individual, relationship, and family counseling, and is certified as a SMART Recovery Facilitator, Domestic Violence Advocate, and Clinical Trauma Professional. --------- The turn of the calendar ushers in a new semester often symbolizes a fresh start and the opportunity for positive change. For many, the New Year is a time of reflection and goal-setting with a renewed sense of hope. This sentiment is particularly poignant for those who are on a journey of recovery from addiction. Recovery is a multifaceted process and broadly speaking, it includes your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. Incorporating these as a vital part of your self care can be very beneficial for your success academically as well. As you develop your schedule for this semester, consider adding the SMART RECOVERY -informed meeting held weekly online to your plans. It is for MiraCosta Students Only a...
Read more

Racialized Stress and Substance Use: Understanding the Link

Image
By Dorian Owens Dorian Owens is a graduate student at San Diego State University, pursuing a Master’s in Counseling through the Community-Based Block (CBB) Program, focusing on multicultural counseling and social justice. Dorian's approach to mental health care is rooted in humanistic, trauma-informed, and client-centered practices, emphasizing support for marginalized communities, particularly BIPOC populations. College is a time of change, growth, and pressure. For many students, especially those from historically marginalized communities, it can also be overwhelming. The expectations to perform, to fit in, and to navigate unfamiliar systems often weigh heavily. For Black and Latinx students, this stress can be compounded by additional layers of social pressure, identity-related fatigue, and feeling unseen in academic environments. Substance use doesn’t always start with addiction; it often begins as a coping strategy. For some students, using alcohol, weed, or other substances i...
Read more